Purpose of the Article: Proposing a Counter Injunction
This article aims to enrich the work of Eric BERNE within the framework of Transactional Analysis by introducing a sixth counter injunction or compelling message: "Be good, behave." This new compelling message is based on an in-depth observation of behaviors linked to introversion, societal expectations, and adaptive responses observed in both children and adults.
This work seeks to complement the five existing compelling messages ("Be Perfect," "Be Strong," "Please Others," "Make an Effort," and "Hurry Up") to offer a more comprehensive analytical framework and to include behaviors that are often overlooked in the dynamics of mini-scripts. This approach follows the scholarly work of Taibi KAHLER, Paul WARE, and Hedges CAPERS while proposing an extension adapted to the evolution of current social and cultural contexts.
Specific Objectives:
Recognizing "Be good, behave" behaviors as an adaptive yet constraining response: Demonstrating that this compelling message, although seemingly neutral or positive, can also generate non-OK scenarios.
Developing tools to identify and address this compelling message: Integrating "Be good, behave" into mini-scripts for a better understanding of life positions and adaptive/non-adaptive behaviors.
Proposing an Antidote: Offering transformation paths to help individuals influenced by this message transition towards liberated, authentic, and OK behaviors.
Matrix of Counter-Injunctions, Compelling Messages, or Orders
Preliminary Considerations
To understand the addition of the "Be dood, behave" order, it is essential to examine the theoretical foundations that support this work. The concept of orders, or compelling messages, was introduced by Eric BERNE. These messages, transmitted from childhood by parental figures—specifically the Parent—become embedded in the child’s Parent state and influence behaviors throughout life.
Eric BERNE first described the concept of compelling messages (or counter-injunctions) in his book Principles of Group Treatment (1966). However, these notions were further developed in What Do You Say After You Say Hello? (1972), where he explored life scripts and the influence of unconscious parental messages on individual behavior.
Later, in their work on mini-scripts, Taibi KAHLER and Hedges CAPERS demonstrated how compelling messages act as driving forces that reinforce either non-OK or OK life scripts. Paul WARE, for his part, postulated that each individual primarily invests their energy in one of three areas: thoughts, emotions, or behaviors. WARE further advanced this theory by linking it to six personality disorders described in the DSM-III, reaffirming the relevance, depth, and genius of Eric BERNE’s work. WARE’s contributions are fundamental and reinforce this coherent system in which compelling messages play a significant role.
The five traditionally recognized compelling messages ("Be Perfect", "Make an Effort", "Hurry Up", "Please" and "Be Strong") summarize unconscious orders that guide our behaviors, often in adaptive but constraining ways. These messages may be triggered in situations of stress or pressure, where individuals attempt to compensate for feelings of inadequacy or non-OK mini-scripts, as described by Taibi KAHLER and Hedges CAPERS.
However, the behaviors observed in adapted or introverted individuals who seek to avoid conflict and maintain apparent balance do not seem fully covered by these five compelling messages. The implicit message "Be good, behave" can therefore be identified as a distinct behavioral driver.
This order has its roots in the often unspoken expectations of parental figures (the Parent), who value calmness, listening, and discretion as fundamental virtues. While initially appearing positive, this message can become constraining and generate non-OK scenarios when it prevents individuals from asserting themselves or expressing their emotions.
Building on previous exchanges, we will explore how the "Be good, behave" compelling message fits into the legacy of BERNE, WARE, CAPERS, and KAHLER while expanding perspectives on life scripts.
Definition of the Mini-Script
The mini-script, a concept introduced by Hedges CAPERS and Taibi KAHLER, refers to a sequence of behaviors occurring over a few minutes or seconds that reinforce either an OK or non-OK life script. It is a powerful tool for analyzing the underlying scripts influencing individual behaviors.
According to KAHLER and KAPERS, human behaviors are influenced by compelling messages (originating from the non-OK Parent) and permissive messages (originating from the OK Parent). The former reinforce non-OK scripts, while the latter help individuals escape limiting dynamics.
In a non-OK mini-script, the typical sequence includes:
A compelling message or counter-injunction: A message from the non-OK Parent that pushes the individual to act in a specific way (e.g., "Be Perfect" or "Be Good").
An inhibitory message: An unconscious reaction that limits authentic expression.
The Vengeful Child: A non-OK rebellion or reaction to the constraint.
The final benefit: Temporary validation that reinforces the non-OK position.
OK mini-scripts, in contrast, help individuals escape these dynamics by activating permissive messages. These encourage authentic and adaptive behaviors, reinforcing the life position "I’m OK – You’re OK."
This theoretical framework was developed through collaboration between KAHLER, CAPERS, and other transactional analysts such as Claude STEINER and Stephen KARPMAN, who deepened the understanding of life script transmission, transaction by transaction.
In this context, we propose integrating the "Be Good" compelling message into this dynamic, describing how it fits into the mini-script schema, and acknowledging the scholars who laid the foundation for this understanding.
Existing counter injunctions : Be Perfect, Be Strong, Please, Make an Effort, Hurry Up
The five compelling messages selected by Taibi KAHLER are typically transmitted during childhood by parental figures, shaping an individual's adaptive behaviors in the hope of receiving approval or validation. Below is a summary of these compelling messages:
Be Perfect:
Message: "Do not make mistakes, be impeccable."
Typical Behavior: Perfectionism, self-criticism, obsessive attention to detail.
Impact: These individuals can be highly effective but may exhaust themselves in a constant pursuit of excellence, driven by an underlying fear of being perceived as unprepared, incompetent, or untrustworthy.
Make an Effort:
Message: "Work hard, nothing comes easily."
Typical Behavior: Perseverance, relentlessness, overinvestment.
Impact: These individuals tend to exhaust themselves unnecessarily, believing that effort alone is what gives value to their actions.
Hurry Up:
Message: "You must be quick, time is running out."
Typical Behavior: Rushing, impatience, multitasking.
Impact: This leads to mistakes, constant stress, and difficulty in slowing down or focusing properly.
Please:
Message: "Do not upset anyone; make sure to be liked by everyone."
Typical Behavior: Adaptability, excessive empathy, difficulty saying "no."
Impact: These individuals risk neglecting their own needs and being taken advantage of by others.
Be Strong:
Message: "Never show weakness, always stay in control."
Typical Behavior: Emotional suppression, excessive autonomy, denial of vulnerability.
Impact: They risk isolation and immense internal pressure to always appear "solid."
While these orders may have positive effects in some contexts, they become constraints under stress, trapping individuals in automatic and limiting behaviors.
The addition of the compelling message "Behave" expands this framework by recognizing a dynamic that has been less explored: silent conformity and adaptive inhibition.
The New Counter Injunction : "Be good, behave, otherwise..."
Origin and Conceptualization: The message or order "Be good, behave" originates from implicit messages received during childhood, transmitted from the Parent of the parent to the Parent of the child, emphasizing calmness, discretion, and conformity. Unlike other messages that push towards action or performance, "Be good, behave" operates in a passive-adaptive mode, oriented towards introversion and compliance.
"Be good, behave, otherwise...": The implicit order can be translated as "Be good, behave, or you will be ignored, punished or perceived as a bad child/person." The underlying fear is that of disappointing others or being deemed unworthy of love or validation.
Underlying Fear: The central fear is that of being ignored, excluded, or losing the approval of attachment figures. The child internalizes the belief that their value depends on their ability not to disturb or cause conflict.
Impact in Childhood: Children internalize this counter-injunction by repressing their emotions or personal needs to maintain a harmonious environment and avoid conflict. They may appear "easy" or "model" children, but at the cost of self-inhibition.
Impact in Adulthood: This message can lead to withdrawal behaviors, fear of conflict, and difficulty asserting oneself. Adults influenced by "Be good, behave" may seek to avoid confrontational situations and prioritize apparent harmony, even at the expense of their own needs.
Potential Positive Effects: This message can encourage active listening, empathy, and adaptability to others' needs, as long as it is not taken to an extreme.
Possible Negative Effects: Conversely, it can limit an individual by reinforcing excessive conformity, inhibition, and difficulty expressing needs or taking risks.
Signs in Children: A child influenced by this message will often be very calm, obedient, and repressive of their emotions or desires.
Signs in Adults: In adults, one may observe conflict avoidance behaviors, a need for external validation, and a tendency to adapt to others' expectations without considering personal needs.
Guidance and Support:
Encourage the individual to express their needs and emotions in a safe environment.
Propose exercises in public speaking and assertiveness.
Reinforce permissive messages, such as "It's good to make yourself heard" or "You have the right to exist as you are."
Provide a welcoming space to explore personal desires without fear of judgment.
The compelling message "Behave" thus complements the compelling messages theorized in Transactional Analysis by shedding light on dynamics related to inhibition and silent conformity.
Personality Types and the Compelling Message "Be good, behave"
The personality types identified by Paul WARE, later expanded by Taibi KAHLER, namely Brilliant-Skeptic (Paranoid) and Creative-Daydreamer (Schizoid) by Vann JOINES, provide relevant perspectives for exploring the links with the "Behave" message.
Brilliant-Skeptic (Paranoid) and "Be good, behave"
Brilliant-Skeptics are characterized by analytical thinking, constant vigilance, and a tendency to avoid vulnerability. The "Be good, behave Parent" message can manifest in them as an external requirement for control and restraint. They strive to avoid mistakes or embarrassment by meticulously analyzing their environment and adopting a cautious posture.
Links to the Compelling Message "Be good, behave Parent"
Implicit Message Received in Childhood: "Do not make waves, be impeccable to avoid criticism."
Typical Effects: Tendency to avoid emotional expression, distant posture, and distrust toward others.
Life Position: "I must remain in control to be safe."
Ego States: Contamination of the Adult by the Parent, exclusion of the Child.
Creative-Daydreamer (Schizoid) and "Be good, behave"
Creative-Daydreamers prefer solitude, are introspective, and often engage in creative activities. The "Be good, behave Child" message manifests as an inhibition of personal needs and a tendency to "blend into the background" to avoid disrupting their environment.
Links to the Compelling Message "Be good, behave"
Implicit Message Received in Childhood: "Do not disturb, do not ask for anything, stay discreet."
Typical Effects: Withdrawn behavior, tendency to avoid confrontations, and retreating into an imaginary world.
Life Position: "I must fade away to exist in peace."
Ego States: Contamination of the Adult by both the Parent and the Child. They tend to self-criticize from their Parent state, feel distressed in their Child state, and then withdraw to escape these negative feelings.
Synthesis of Both Types
Brilliant-Skeptics and Creative-Daydreamers, named and described by Vann JOINES, illustrate how the compelling message "Be good, behave" can take different forms depending on personality structures. While the Brilliant-Skeptic seeks to maintain control through hyper-vigilance and a distant posture driven by projection, the Creative-Daydreamer prefers to withdraw and avoid any conflictual interaction through dissociation. These two types highlight how the compelling message "Be good, behave" can limit individuals in their ability to express their authentic needs.
The Non-OK Mini-Script with the Compelling Message "Be good, behave"
In the framework of non-OK mini-scripts, the compelling message "Be good, behave" can generate a constraining behavioral sequence that reinforces a non-OK life position. This dynamic is influenced by implicit or explicit parental messages that value discretion, calmness, and conformity at the expense of personal expression and self-assertion.
Steps of the Non-OK Mini-Script with "Be good, behave"
Compelling Message: The individual hears or internalizes an implicit counter-injunction such as "Be good, behave, or you will disappoint, be ignored, criticized, or excluded." This message pushes the person to repress their needs, emotions, or desires to maintain apparent harmony.
Inhibitory Message: An internal voice (the Negative Normative Parent) activates self-censorship: "Do not make noise," "Do not show your emotions," "You must not disturb." This prevents any personal initiative or authentic expression.
Response of the Negative Adapted Child: The individual adopts a withdrawn behavior, conforms to others' expectations, and avoids conflict or judgment. This may include social withdrawal, marked passivity, or avoidance of interactions.
Temporary Benefit: By adopting this posture, the person effectively avoids criticism or conflicts. This may create an illusion of security and validation but at the cost of frustration and disconnection from personal needs.
Long-Term Consequence: This dynamic reinforces a non-OK life script, where the individual believes they must fade away or conform to be accepted. This can lead to feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, and difficulty asserting oneself in personal and professional relationships.
Illustrative Example
Consider the example of an adult in a professional meeting:
Compelling Message: They think, "Stay discreet, do not say anything unnecessary."
Inhibitory Message: They feel afraid of "saying something stupid" or being harshly judged.
Behavioral Response: They choose not to speak, even when they have a relevant idea or question.
Temporary Benefit: They avoid the fear of judgment but leave the meeting with feelings of dissatisfaction and regret.
In this scenario, the Negative Normative Parent dominates, sending compelling messages to the Adapted Child. The loop of the non-OK mini-script closes when the individual experiences a temporary benefit (avoiding judgment) but at the cost of emotional well-being and personal assertion.
This mini-script illustrates the limiting impact of the compelling message "Be good, behave" and highlights the importance of working on antidotes to break this dynamic.
The OK Mini-Script with the Compelling Message "Be good, behave"
The OK mini-script with the compelling message "Be good, behave" demonstrates how permissive messages can enable an individual to adopt an adaptive behavior while remaining authentic. Rather than fading into the background or conforming out of fear of being ignored, the person can use qualities associated with calmness and listening to interact positively.
Steps of the OK Mini-Script with "Be good, behave"
Permissive Message: The individual internalizes a message from the Positive Normative Parent, such as: "You can be calm and composed while still expressing what you feel and think." This message encourages them to use their calmness as a strength rather than a constraint.
Activation of the Adult: The person allows themselves to analyze the situation rationally, assess their needs, and consciously choose an appropriate response. They may think, "It is important that I share my idea, even if it is not perfect."
Expression of the Free Child: The individual expresses their ideas or emotions confidently while staying aligned with their values of respect and attentiveness. This may include speaking up, asserting their needs, or presenting constructive suggestions.
Internal Validation: By acting assertively, the person experiences personal satisfaction and increased confidence. They perceive their actions as aligned with their values while being acknowledged by others.
Long-Term Impact: This positive dynamic reinforces an OK-OK life position: "I am calm and thoughtful, but I can also express myself and contribute." The individual learns to value their qualities without being constrained by an excessive fear of judgment.
Illustrative Example
Consider the example of an adult in a similar situation:
Permissive Message from the Positive Normative Parent: They think, "My idea is relevant and deserves to be shared."
Activation of the Adult: They assess the context and decide on the right moment to speak.
Expression of the Free Child: They articulate their thoughts clearly and respectfully to propose their idea.
Internal Validation: They feel a sense of satisfaction for contributing while staying true to their values.
In this scenario, the Adult takes the lead, enabling the individual to utilize the positive qualities associated with "Be good, behave" while avoiding the pitfalls of excessive conformity. This OK mini-script highlights the importance of permissive messages in developing an authentic and constructive posture.
Counter injunction | Inner experience | Important behavior |
1. Be perfect | Physical: stiff | Words: “Obviously”, “Of course” |
| Psychological: “You should do better” | Intonations: pinched, virtuous |
|
| Gestures: scratching your head, counting on your fingers |
|
| Attitudes: upright, rigid |
|
| Facial expressions: stern |
2. Make an effort | Physical: Tight stomach, tense shoulders | Words: “It’s hard”, “I’ll try” |
| Psychological: "You have to try harder" | Intonations: impatient |
|
| Gestures: clenched fists, moving |
|
| Postures: Sitting forward, elbows on knees |
|
| Facial expressions: slightly frowning, puzzled look |
3. Please | Physical: Tight stomach | Words: “You know”, “That’s nice” |
| Psychological: “You’re not good enough” | Intonations: high pitched, whiny |
|
| Gestures: hands extended |
|
| Attitudes: nodding |
|
| Facial expressions: raised eyebrows, looking away |
4. Hurry up | Physical: itching | Words: "Let's abbreviate", "Quickly, quickly" |
| Psychological: "You won't make it" | Intonations: rising and falling |
|
| Gestures: squirming, tapping |
|
| Attitudes: furrowed eyebrows, shifty eyes |
|
| Facial expressions: rapid movements |
5. Be strong | Physics: rigid compass | Words: "No comment", "I don't care" |
| Psychological: “Hide your weakness from them” | Intonations: hard, monotonous |
|
| Gestures: rigid hands, crossed arms |
|
| Attitudes: rigid, crossed legs |
|
| Facial expressions: impassive, hard, cold |
6. Be good, behave | Physical: tension in the chest | Words: “Don’t make noise”, “Let’s stay calm” |
| Psychological: “Don’t show your emotions” | Intonations: soft, contained |
|
| Gestures: crossed hands, slow movements |
|
| Attitudes: discreet, discreet posture |
|
| Facial expressions: downcast gaze, frozen smile |
The Antidote to the Compelling Message "Be good, behave"
Antidote: Be Authentic and Express Yourself
Learn to express your needs, emotions, and opinions in a supportive environment.
Give yourself permission to be seen and heard without fear of rejection or criticism.
Use your qualities of calmness and discretion as strengths while valuing assertive communication.
Challenge to Overcome: Allowing Spontaneity and Presence
Let go of the fear of "disturbing" to engage in more authentic interactions.
Reinforce the belief that your contributions are valuable and appreciated.
Permission: You Are Important!
Recognize your value and dare to fully participate in social interactions.
Trust your intuition and feelings, even when they push you out of your comfort zone.
Discussion Between a Patient and a Therapist on the Compelling Message "Be good, behave"
Therapist: You seem to frequently hold back your emotions and thoughts. Can you tell me more about what drives you to act this way?
Patient: I have always been afraid of disturbing others or saying something wrong. I prefer to stay quiet and let others speak.
Therapist: That sounds like what we call a "compelling message" in Transactional Analysis. The "Be good, behave" message seems predominant for you. Where do you think this fear of disturbing others comes from?
Patient: Probably from my childhood. My parents really appreciated when I was calm and obedient. When I spoke too much, I was often told to be quiet.
Therapist: That might have helped you avoid conflicts at the time, but do you think this behavior still serves you today?
Patient: Not really. I feel like I miss out on opportunities or that people don’t understand me.
Therapist: If you could replace the "Be good, behave" message with something more supportive, what would you like to hear?
Patient: Maybe something like "You can be yourself and speak freely."
Therapist: Excellent. How about starting with small exercises? For example, expressing one idea or emotion each day, even in a safe space. You could also repeat this new message to yourself: "I am important, and my ideas matter."
Patient: Yes, I’d like to try. That sounds liberating.
Therapist: Perfect. We will work together to strengthen this new dynamic, so you can use your qualities of calmness while asserting your voice.
Difference Between "Be good, behave" and "Be Perfect"
Although the counter-injunctions "Be good, behave" and "Be Perfect" share an aspect of behavioral control and regulation, they fundamentally differ in their intentions and manifestations.
The compelling message "Be Perfect" pushes individuals to achieve an ideal level of excellence, demanding quality and precision in everything they do. This constraint is driven by a fear of humiliation, judgment, and a strong need to conform to extremely high standards. Mistakes are perceived as unacceptable, leading to significant internal pressure for constant self-improvement.
Conversely, the compelling message "Be good, behave" emphasizes restraint, discretion, and adaptation to implicit expectations from others. This constraint stems from a fear of being ignored or deemed unimportant. Instead of striving for perfection, individuals under this message aim primarily to remain invisible, avoid disturbance, and adopt a neutral stance. It is often associated with the fear of being ignored, causing discomfort, or being seen as too expressive, which can lead to self-doubt and social inhibition.
Thus, while "Be Perfect" imposes a standard of performance and excellence, "Be good, behave" limits self-expression and fosters passivity, often making personal assertion and initiative more challenging.
Reflections and Future Perspectives
The compelling message "Be good, behave" highlights a dynamic that is often invisible yet powerful in interactions. Rooted in a need for conformity and discretion, it can trap individuals in avoidance behaviors and self-suppression unless actively addressed. However, this constraint can be transcended through conscious work on internal messages and behaviors.
From Passive Obedience to Authentic Assertion
Transforming the "Be good, behave" message involves reclaiming personal expression, following the antidote: "Be authentic and express yourself." By learning to use their qualities of calmness and thoughtfulness as assets rather than constraints, individuals can shift toward a posture of constructive assertion. The OK mini-script unfolds when permissive messages replace compelling messages: "You have the right to express yourself and take up space."
Role and Guidance for Support Professionals
For professionals in coaching or therapy, the goal is to create a secure space where individuals can explore their fears and needs. Implementing specific contracts can help deconstruct the non-OK mini-script and initiate the development of a more adaptive alternative script.
Call to Action
Whether you are a professional or personally affected by the "Be good, behave" counter-injunction, engaging in an active transformation process is essential. Ask yourself: "When do I choose silence and passivity over expression?" Identifying these moments is the first step toward reinventing interactions and self-expression.
This work provides not only an analytical perspective but also a practical roadmap to guide individuals toward personal and relational fulfillment, recognizing the valuable contributions of Transactional Analysis in this transformation.
Igor HERES GUITON
26/01/2025
Sources :
Transactionnal Analysis Journal :
KAHLER, T., et CAPERS, H., Le miniscénario (orig. T.A.J. 1974), A.A.T., 4, 1977, pp. 163-180. C.A.T., 2, pp. 41-58.
WARE, P., Types de personnalité et plan thérapeutique. 28, 156-165 (4, 264-273).
KAHLER, T., Script: Process and Content, T.A.J., V, 3, 1975, pp. 277-279.
KAHLER, T., Drivers: the Key to the Process of Scripts, T.A.J., V, 3, 1975, pp. 280-284.
WARE, P., Atelier sur la psychopathologie au Congrès d’été, San Francisco, 1976.
STEINER, C., Scénario et contre-scénario (orig. T.A.B. 1966), A.A.T., 9, 1979, pp. 4-6. C.A.T., 2, pp. 10-12.
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ERNST, F., Les sentiments-parasites et l’enclos OK (orig. T.A.J. 1973), A.A.T., 7, 1978, pp. 114-118. C.A.T., 1, pp. 143-147.
Autres éditeurs :
BERNE, E. Analyse transactionnelle et psychothérapie (orig. 1961), Payot, 1997.
BERNE, E. Que dites-vous après avoir dit bonjour ? (orig. 1972), Sand & Tchou, 1999.
GOULDING, M. and GOULDING, R. Changing lives through redecision therapy. New York: Brunner/Mazel, 1979.
HOSTIE, R. L'âge adulte, sur les traces d'Eric BERNE vingt ans après, Interéditions, 1987. JOINES, V. Using redecision therapy with different personality adaptations. Transactional Analysis Journal, 16(3), 152-160, 1986.
JOINES, V., STEWART, I. Personnality Adaptations, Lifespace Publishing, 2002.
JOINES, V., STEWART, I. TA today: A new introduction to transactional analysis (2nd ed.). Nottingham, and Chapel Hill: Lifespace Publishing, 2012.
JOINS, V. Insight Out, Outskirts Press, 2023.
KAHLER, T. Process therapy in brief. Little Rock: Human Development Publications, 1979.
KAHLER, T. The Mastery of Management, Kahler Communications, 1988.
KAHLER, T. The Process Therapy Model: The Six Personality Types with Adaptations, 2008.
MOISO, C. et NOVELINO M. Analyse Transactionnelle, Savoirs Editis, 2004.
STEINER, C. A quoi jouent les alcooliques (orig. 1971), Epi, 1991.
STEINER, C. L'A.B.C. des émotions (orig. 2000), Interéditions, 2024.
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